Oh God -- It's Snowing!

Okay, I know it's October and it's Wyoming but I'm not sure I'm ready for snow. Just wasn't ready for summer to be suddenly winter with no real fall in between. If this is any indication, it's going to be a long winter. Guess that means I should be prepared for long nights and short days until sometime in May or June. Sigh! Makes me remember why I liked Southern California -- no snow. Oh well, the benefits of living in Wyoming far outweigh the disadvantages. Benefits like being around my children and grandchildren, good friends, clean air and water(relatively speaking), low crime, etc., etc. The only disadvantage I see is the winter weather and that's not as bad as in Missouri. All in all, a pretty good trade off. Besides, I can always curl up in a blanket with a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate and read or work on crafts (once I finally get the dining table cleared off!) or spend time with congenial company over a board game (like Trivial Pursuit, our rules) or bake or something equally domestic. Yep, at least it beats 90 degree weather without air conditioning. Time to start making nice, hot soups (chili, potato, beef stew and so on). The good news is, summer will come again in about 7 - 8 months. Alright, I'm done complaining about the weather. One final comment, I need to get a coat rack!

Just grow the fuck up, already!

How come some people (usually the young twentysomethings) think they're so adult when what they really need to do is just grow the fuck up? For instance, my surrogate son, Dennis. Right now, he's finally gotten a job so he finally has the means to actually help out around here and what's he do? He decides that he should be looking for a place of his own. After months (8-9) of being supported completed by Jae and me, now he wants to bail. This is so reminiscent of Sterling's MO that I could just scream. Of course, whenever Sterling was mooching off Jae and me, he at least tried to be helpful around the house by cleaning and such which Dennis apparently wouldn't dream of doing. Dennis' area downstairs is a veritable pigsty and he makes no apparent effort to do anything about it because he's too busy spending all his time with his ex-girlfriend Kim. Of course, according to Dennis, they're "just friends". Bullshit -- friends aren't joined at the hip! Guess I'm just really tired of being taken advantage of this way. Have decided that since he feels no need to let us know where he is and when he'll be back, no need to clean up or help out, or in general, act like the responsible adult he thinks he is, it's time to sit him down for a little family conference and lay out the options to him. In other words, it's time to shit or get off the pot! He has until the end of the week when Amanda (and possibly, Anthony) get here to shape up or get out. Know that sounds harsh, but in the final analysis, he isn't my birth son and even if he calls me Mom, he doesn't treat me with any of the respect, courtesy, or consideration that should go with the mothering I've given him, so I feel no need to act like a real Mom instead of a so called friend he's been taking advantage of. I know Jae would love to be out on his own too, but he feels it's necessary to take the time to make plans so we all benefit from the move and I'm not left holding the bag for the lease on a 4 bedroom house I can't possibly afford on my own. Grrrrrr! The whole attitude right now just makes me crazy! What I'm feeling is "what did I ever do to this child that he feels he has to treat me like shit?" Guess I'll get my answers whenever he finally gets home again. Of course, he'll probably have both Kim and Nate with him so that will probably get ugly because both Jae and I have decided that if that happens, we'll tell Kim and Nate to leave as we need to have a family meeting with Dennis alone. Bet he'll really appreciate that since he can't stand any kind of confrontation. Well, he wouldn't have to deal with it if he'd just talk to us and be up front about things. Example, we asked him how he felt about the possibility of Amanda and Anthony moving in for awhile when they get up here and he said it was fine with him. Then he turns around and complains to Dawn that we just issued the invitation without consulting him. What the hell did he think we were asking him for? Right now, he's got some serious growing up to do and I'm not at all sure I care to deal with it. So, like I said earlier, it's time for him to shit or get off the pot.

Sometimes it's just hard to be a Mom

This last couple of weeks have been hard to get through. I don't know of any real mothers who can stand to see their kids and grandkids in pain and my brood is still going through a doozy. On August 23rd we got the confirmation that my daughter had lost her baby boy Toby at 30 weeks gestation from a cord accident. The next day (24th) she and her husband went to the hospital to deliver Toby stillborn. Of course, nothing is ever quick in these situations but it wasn't as bad as it could be. They started induction at about 7:30 am and our beautiful baby boy was born at 5:44 pm that same day. Tobias Galen Sebastian was 14 inches long and weighted 1 lb 12oz with white-blond hair and he had his mom, dad, uncle Jae, aunt Shelley and me there with him to say hello and good-bye. We had a very moving ceremony at the compound on Sunday at sunset and buried his ashes under a white rose bush in the front yard. Very intense and spiritual.

Now the real work begins as everyone goes through the grieving process. Death is never easy for the survivors but the lose of a child is probably the most difficult to deal with. For me, the hardest part is seeing my children and grandchildren hurt so much and knowing there's nothing I can do except just be there for them. There's no way to kiss it and make it better. No special bandages for this ouchie.